Jedediah Smith

Yes, I'm in Toronto

Sun, 02 Nov 2008 01:46:59 GMT

It seems a lot of people don't even know that I'm back from Montreal which is admittedly my fault for not mentioning it at all.

I didn't quite make it all the way home on my bike but I did ride 420km to Belleville in three days. 8 hours a day of riding was a bit ambitious for my first tour which is probably why I rolled into Belleville literally pedalling with one leg, my patellar ligaments pleading for me to stop.

Still, it was a fun trip. Challenging yes, but during even the most harrowing times, I never stopped thinking that it was just so incredibly cool. It is an embiggening feeling to cross vast amounts of land using only the power of one's own body. At any given point, the distance ahead and behind is unfathomable, yet the time passes quickly. The whole trip is a blur to me now.

When I got home, I landed in a tornado of roommate changes, job hunting and knee healing which is why I've been so distant lately. But that's all going to change now baby, don't worry. I'm a whole new man. Iron my shirt.

PS Yeah, I'm looking for a job and a roommate. Both must be really great.

the chamois bolts

Tue, 30 Sep 2008 10:02:49 GMT

I'm riding home

see you in a few days

got flickr

Sun, 21 Sep 2008 06:02:01 GMT

http://www.flickr.com/photos/hilarity_ensues/

Click on "Map" for photo locations

beautiful music together

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 08:56:49 GMT

Stacey didn't like the lyrics to this Iron & Wine song so we made them more better

Exciting new fall season of blog posts!

Wed, 10 Sep 2008 09:52:29 GMT

VOICE: Jed and Stacey, in an all-new Montreal apartment

STACEY: Wow, even the paintings are from IKEA [laughter]

VOICE: New french neighborhood...

STORE CLERK: Comment puis-je vous aider?

JED: Uhh... oui [laughter]

VOICE: new neighbors...

OLD MAN IN BATH TOWEL: I came to borrow some sugar, baby! [dances] [laughter]

VOICE: and a new... cat!? [record scratch]

[JED stumbles around with cat clinging to face] [laughter]

STACEY: Aww, he likes you

VOICE: Tune in this fall for one purrrdicament after another. You won't want to miss it!

Fri, 15 Aug 2008 11:22:41 GMT

I met some friendly fixie riders at the bike shop today and tagged along for their weekly night ride. We took the Lachine canal path all the way to the end.

They were very accepting of Steve despite his free-wheelin' nature.

They also showed me what you can get away with in terms of.. er, traffic etiquette. Apparently quite a bit, as long as you don't do anything, you know, dangerous.

The path is long and beautiful and it's only one of many. It makes the few scattered bits of path we have in Toronto look pathetic. I am getting spoiled here.

I'm seriously considering staying for september. I suspect that dragging me out of Montreal at the end of august will be harder than dragging me out of the ball pit at McDonalds and last time, they had to send in the SWAT team. But that means finding another sublet here. And filling my room in Toronto. And being unemployed for another month, unless I do some work from here.

This city is paying out

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 07:21:30 GMT

Found in Montreal trash:

21" monitor

Logitech 5.1 THX sound system

And best of all.. Steve

(click for big)

All chromoly, double butted tubing, 12 speeds with a mixture of mid-range Shimano components. Frame made in Japan, bike made in Canada.

I didn't find it in the trash, rather I bought it from Right to Move for a paltry $100! It was built and donated by one of the volunteers. It's about as light as a steel bike can be, fits me perfectly and riding it feels like flying. I'll have to test how it handles heavy loads but this is probably the bike I'll ride home.

I continue to be overwhelmed by the good fortune and generosity that has befallen me during this trip and I'm eager to reciprocate it.

Reading my recent posts, one might think I've done nothing but work on my bike and pick through trash while I've been here. Well, I have done a lot of that.. BUT I've also hung out with the tamtams, seen some live music, eaten some poutine (the good kind, from La Banquise).. umm.. sat around the apartment. But this is exactly what I wanted to do: just live here. I didn't want a jam-packed Montreal vacation itinerary, I just wanted to do what I always do, but do it here and I'm really enjoying that. Still to come: improv, urbex and Vermont road trip!

made it

Sun, 10 Aug 2008 09:35:37 GMT

Finally, on thursday, the planets aligned and I made it to Montreal, with my bike, on a train.

Which bike? This bike:

It's the one that was given to me by the nice fellow on the train. It's a very good aluminum mountain bike from, I'm guessing, the early 90s. I managed to fit my road wheels on the thing making it a true "hybrid". It's a great workhorse:

My wheels are a lot bigger than the frame was designed for so I had to drill some holes to mount my brakes:

which I accomplished at the awesome Right to Move community bike shop here in Montreal:

I'm not sure if this is the bike I will be riding home. You know the feeling when you hit a baseball with an aluminum bat and you can feel the vibrations in your bones? That's what riding an aluminum bike is like, though they are very light and peppy. I'll be spending a lot more time in the numerous community bike shops here either making this bike more roady or building a new one.

The apartment is great. It has that 60s look that all Montreal apartments seem to have.. formica and linoleum everywhere. It's bigger than we could ever need and it's right in the middle of everything. I'll take some photos when we've tidied up a bit.

This city has made even stronger my already overflowing love for cycling. There are bike lanes everywhere and even a newly built bike path straight through downtown, seperated from the road by a median. I would never dream of coming to a new city without a bike and I can no longer imagine how anybody can live without one.

This was my first Montreal latte:

You can get these at Caffe Art Java for a mere $4. I think I'm going to be eating out a lot here.

So much to do, so little summer. I still haven't had a chance to see any local improv. Anything else I absolutely must do while I'm here?

montreal or bust

Sun, 03 Aug 2008 04:53:55 GMT

It occurs to me that building my first bicycle from scratch is not something that should be rushed, nor should said bicycle be taken on a six day tour without thorough field testing.

So, I'm going to pack up the parts, get to Montreal any way I can and build the bike properly from the reportedly palacial apartment which I am already paying for. At the end of the month, I'll ride it home.

I apologize to any readers who may have been expecting a vicarious adventure, though I will be sure to stir up sitcom-worthy hijinx while I'm there. And in a month, you'll get your damn trip.. or another parade of utter failure, which is probably what you enjoy, you parasites.

Episode 101: Uh oh, Jed has two dates for the prom! Which girl will he take? How about... both of them?!?

Episode 102: Jed imagines what the world would be like without teeth.

Episode 103: Clip show.

yar

Sun, 03 Aug 2008 01:58:00 GMT

I went to bike pirates today and had just enough time to completely dismantle the old bike. I learned many secrets of bikery in the process.

Before I build the new one, I'll need to buy a new fork, headset, complete back wheel, casette and chain and I probably can't do that until tuesday when the stores are open again. On the other hand, having the bike in pieces makes it really easy to transport to Montreal, especially without the back wheel. Hmm..

which are the good bike shops in Montreal?

hello

Sat, 02 Aug 2008 03:24:23 GMT

At the end of my first day of riding, in the middle of nowhere, this happened:

A few years ago, I crashed into a fire hydrant after capturing the flag. I was unhurt but my bike was about three inches shorter. It was still quite ridable and actually a little sportier but the frame was weakened at the point where it bent. Yesterday, with the extra weight on the front and the bumpy highway, it finally gave. Yes, that tube is completely severed.

Some passers by stopped to help, then some more and before long, the whole town was pitching in to raise the proverbial barn. We made some futile attempts at a temporary fix but eventually gave up.

A very nice fellow named Dennis and his wife let me pitch the hammock on his lawn. He runs an eco-friendly shop called The Ninety Ninth Monkey. He also fed me and drove me to Oshawa this morning to catch the Go train home.

I met another cyclist on the train who gave me.. a bike! He didn't consider it a great bike but the one he was riding was $3000 so his standards are probably higher than mine. It's in his garage in Scarborough so I'll go take a look at it tomorrow.

When I got off the train, I went straight to the Community Bike Network and asked them about welding my frame. They said it couldn't be done so I bought this aluminum frame from them for $50:

I don't know much about frames but this thing is a top brand, made in the USA and amazingly light. Other customers seemed to think it was great. Unfortunately, it doesn't have a fork and my old one is the wrong size.

So, now I have a nice frame and a hodge-podge of parts, some of which need to be replaced, no tools (because I had them all sent to Montreal, along with all my clothes), no bike to get around and about half a clue as to how to build a bicycle. And someone else is living in my bedroom. And I stink.

The sensible thing to do would be to find a rideshare that will haul me and my bike to Montreal, build a new one there while living in my beautiful apartment and ride home at the end of the month. The thing is, I've been waiting for this trip to happen for so long and I don't know if I can wait another month. I'll think about it.

In the mean time, I'm aiming to be back on the road sunday morning.

Here's some hammock photos:

bye

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 16:42:39 GMT

here i go

Toronto's turgid talons tense ever tighter on my torso

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 16:04:44 GMT

I have to sleep so this will be short and possibly delirious

I've been awake for three days doing things that need to be done before I can leave e.g. packing, shopping, fixing the bike, preparing my room for the subletter, coordinating payments with roommates, looking for a Montreal place, goodbye visits, etc.

This morning, as I listened to barely audible jazz music coming from the air conditioner and tried to ignore the squirrel men who darted around in my peripheral vision, I became.. finished. I was ready to go. The bike was ready to go. I took it out for a test ride. It was too heavy.

WAAAY too heavy.

Like, at least twice as heavy as the maximum it could be and still be rideable.

And now, it's 11am, I am capable of nothing else besides babbling on livejournal and sleeping. And someone is moving into my room at some unknown time today. And it's pissing rain.

I'm going to sleep as long as I can, then I'm going to strip the bike of everything I don't absolutely need. That means, for example, no soap, no giant water bottles (just two 1L bottles), no full wardrobe of clothes to wear in Montreal for a month (I'll bring one shirt and one pair of jeans and go shopping when I get there), no floor pump (just a tiny hand pump for emergencies) and fewer tools.

I'll either crash with a friend and leave tomorrow morning or leave tonight and ride 'till dawn.

The good news is, we have an apartment, it's in the Plateau and it's stunning! At $700, it's a little pricier than we had hoped but between the two of us, it's still cheaper than living in Toronto. Maybe one day I'll get to see it.

Carrying me through all this turmoil is my new love:

She's teaching me to see the world in exciting new ways. I'll write more about her later.

now sleep

UPDATE: if someone is going to Montreal soon and wouldn't mind hauling my extra clothes, that would be super. It's only a couple of kilos.

UPDATE 2: Hauler found. Thank you to all who applied. We will keep your resume on file.

Project Galloping Chamois Episode II

Sun, 27 Jul 2008 10:55:23 GMT

Everything's coming together for my departure on the 29th. My room is subletted and today I acquired the last few objects on my list. I still don't have a place in Montreal but my friend over there is hard at work on that.

The hammock needs a few tent pegs to hold it in place but it doesn't come with them, so I picked up five Millenium Tent Pegs® at MEC. These are clearly bits of the Area 51 wreckage, shot straight out of a robot's asshole.

I also rigged up this water carrying system:

and, in the process, discovered that electrical grounding clamps are an excellent way to attach things to your bike ($3 at Home Depot):

I know this looks like something you'd find at English Russia but trust me, it's rock solid. I rode it around the park for a bit and got some strange looks, but it worked fine.

The crown jewel, however, was this Louis Garneau bike jersey I got at a Kensington vintage shop for $15:

These things normally cost $75! Bike jerseys are made of a space age compound called polyester that literally jetisons sweat from your filthy, disgusting body into the surrounding atmosphere. They also make you look super speedy.

As an added bonus, my trip is now sponsored by Atkins Bicycle Shoppe, The New Glarus Brewing Company, Mortensen, Matzelle & Meldrum, Inc. Insurance and "Radicals: Optimum sports energy in bite size pieces" (can't find a link for this one).

plan b

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 06:29:55 GMT

I have a new plan to be in Montreal from aug 1st-31st. I will need to find a sublet there (which should be easy) and, ideally, sublet my room here. This will solve a lot of problems and, to boot, be considerably more awesome than the original plan.

We'll have a whole month in Montreal with our own place and I'll probably save money on rent. I'll have an extra week here to tie up loose ends, better prepare and train for the trip and loiter around at RubyFringe (whatever I can see without a ticket).

Let me know if you want to sublet my room. It's $550 inclusive and it's the best room in the best house with the best roommates.. ever (yes.. ever (for realz!)). Queen West, fully furnished master bedroom, window and central AC, bay window overlooking Trinity Bellwoods, laundry, storage, common space, backyard.. sorry, I can't go on without having an orgasm. Needless to say, if you need a sublet for august and you are not a slime mold, this is it. You'll have to get to know my roommates a bit first, preferably in person. You'll like them.

uh oh

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 03:24:27 GMT

Just got word from dirigiblegerbil that her roommates are no longer keen on the idea of me staying there. We are investigating alternate accommodations for the two of us, either a friend or a sublet. I'm sure we'll find something before I arrive. I mean, hey.. it's Montreal.

Shuttle launch is still set for tomorrow morning.

Project Galloping Chamois

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 10:54:49 GMT

The rumors are true, I am indeed going to ride my bicycle from Toronto to Montreal. I'm planning to leave on friday. I'm going alone. It will take 4-6 days. This is the route I will take. I will carry some basic camping supplies, about a day's worth of snacks and water, a GPS device, a cellphone, tools and a zillion other little things. I will ride all day, stopping once in the afternoon to eat, buy groceries, refill water bottles and hopefully recharge gadgets. At night, I will find a suitable but not necessarily legal place to camp and sleep in a high-tech hammock. When I get to Montreal, I'll stay with a good friend, have buckets of fun and at the end of the month, either ride home or take the train/bus. I am not crazy.

To learn more about bike touring, read bits of this and poke around here.

I've been preparing for this trip for weeks and it has already been a bit of an adventure. I should really have been blogging it from the day I decided to make it happen but instead, I'll just give you this rough timeline:

July 6th: My friend dirigiblegerbil is living in Montreal for the summer and I've been planning to go hang out with her, but how do I get to Montreal? Hmm, I like bikes. Bikes go places. Montreal is a place. Project Galloping Chamois is born.
July 7th: Research, research, la de da. Huh, regular schmoes do this kind of thing all the time. This guy tours with a beater and a milk crate. I can totally do this.
July 8th: Time to make a plan.. and a list! I've gotta wait until my fringe show is over and I want to see Damian Conway so let's say the 17th. I'll do a practice ride on the 14th since, you know, I've never done this before.

Arggh, panniers are expensive. But buckets aren't! Surely one of my 211 Facebook friends will have some extra kitty litter buckets lying around, right? (wrong)
July 9th: Uh oh, can't find my tent. Hey look, hammocks and science, together at last! You go to hell, tent. Bleep, bloop, ding, submit and the hammock is in the mail. Only $90!
July 10th: Got a bike computer. Apparently I average around 30kph while commuting.

This list is growing faster than I can buy/make/borrow/prepare things. Don't worry, the list will be your salvation. Trust the list.
July 11th: Shopping! Ooh, sexy bike shorts.. with butt padding! Now everything is a comfy chair. Why do all cycling sunglasses look like douchebag sunglasses?
July 14th - practice ride: Plan: get up bright and early, ride to the rouge valley and keep riding until I get tired.

What actually happened: got up relatively early, spent three hours eating huge breakfast and scrambling around trying to get eleventy billion bits of gear packed and attached to my bike. Set out around 1:30pm. Did 89.1k in 3:45, average speed 23.6kph. Could have gone longer but my GPS ran out of batteries and I was losing daylight. Apparently my max speed was 62.3kph! I don't remember this at all so I must have blacked out from the g-force. That would also explain the "Wanda" tattoo on my butt.

Lessons learned: Use the GPS sparingly. Eat TONS of food. Fatty, fatty food. And drink TONS of water. It's amazing how much I go through. Have the food and water accessible while riding so I don't have to stop so much. Do neck exercises while riding - this was the soarest part of my body by far. Don't bike through downtown on the first day, the stoplights and traffic waste too much time and energy. Start from the end of the subway line.

Despite the problems I had, it seems as though my abilities are in the same ballpark as more experienced tourers and that is a relief.
July 15th: I give up. I've looked everywhere for those damn buckets. I'll just shell out $16 for the 25kg of kitty litter. Maybe I'll adopt some local strays and become an eccentric recluse novelist.

Better yet, I'll sell the litter to a supermarket employee for half price! No, I really did this. Good thing too because I don't know how I would have carried 25kg of kitty litter on my bike.

I head over to secretsoflife's hacklab to build the bucket bike. But when I get there, I meet Steve who, having never met me before and no idea who I am and not exchanged more than a sentence between us, offers to lend me his $200 pair of Arkel panniers, a front low-rider rack and numerous other helpful thingies. Steve likes to help people.

I guess the great bucket experiment will have to wait.
July 16th: So many things left on the list, so little time. And Damian Conway.

My hammock arrives! I string it up in the park and it's radical. I briefly consider becoming a celebrity gimmick drifter: hammock man.

I realize that I can't rely entirely on the GPS because of the battery issue. I also realize that a paper map that covered the entire route with enough detail to be useful would be at least a hundred pages long. Instead, I will have to write out the directions, step by step, road by road. I burn half the day doing this (and I'm only half done) but it does force me to get intimate with the route.

By the time the stores close, I still don't have a pump, a jersey or water bottles. And I leave tomorrow morning. Uh oh. Better cheer myself up with a Damian Conway lecture. I'm late, better hurry.

CRASH. Ow. Stupid one sidewalk block slightly higher than the other. The damage: a bent brake calliper, a slightly crooked front wheel and a bloody, swollen knee. There's no way I'm leaving tomorrow. No biggy, tomorrow I fix the bike, finish off the shopping and I leave on friday.

I quickly bandage my bleeding knee with a register receipt and hobble into the lecture hall. It was so good, I forgot about the pain. It's fine now.

To be continued

So, I'm thinking of changing my name

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 17:18:26 GMT

As a teenager in the 1990s, I watched with envy as my peers ornamented themselves with tattoos, piercings and manic panic. What a straightforward and convenient way to achieve the individuality I so longed for! I had wasted enough time with introspection and social exploration. I wanted the good stuff. But which identity was for me? So many colors and body parts to choose from.

At a beauty kiosk at the Yorkdale mall, a gum chewing girl with hoop earrings not much older than myself aimed a pink gun-like device at my earlobe and pulled the trigger, plunging the stud of self-realization deep into my flesh. I went home with a feeling of pinching in my ear and a feeling of control over my life. A few weeks later, my control hole had turned into a bloody, pussy mess which no earring would penetrate.

In the following years, I tried in many ways to become my own man, through ironic t-shirts, poorly planned road trips, owning pet rats with icky tails and even hating everything other people like while liking everything other people hate. Nothing worked and I remained a grey blip in the static between the TV channels of greatness and distinction.

As I aged, I considered desperate measures to claim my 15 minutes. And then today, inspired by a robot in disguise, it dawned on me that I have overlooked the simplest and yet most powerful act of self mutilation there is.

"Aw, but you have a lovely name!", is what you polite people are getting ready to say. Well, thanks. Actually, I kinda like my name and I certainly don't have anything against the parents who gave it to me or the extended family who I inherited it from. But those people no longer pick out my clothes at Winners or buy me the latest Raffi albums, so why should they have a say in something so personal as my name?

Actually, I find it odd that this isn't tradition. Online, we don't think twice about naming ourselves EvErY gUrL gOtA gO tHrEw It.iTs DiS tHaNg KaLd LuV or ♥I W@Nn@ M@K3 LoV3 In DiS ClUb♥, so why don't we have the guts to do it in real life? What a perfectly empowering coming of age ritual it would be to pick your own name on your 13th birthday. We could probably escape adolescence with a few less scars, though we might have to change it again when we're out of college since Darksoul Ravenbane doesn't look very professional on a resume.

I know that this is not a startlingly original impulse and many celebrities have already had the same idea. The trouble is, famous people are already, you know... famous. And weirdos. Thus, they are precisely those who have no further need to distinguish themselves. They could all be named John/Jane Doe and you would still read about "Jane Doe #207 carrying John Doe #481's illegitimate love child" at the supermarket checkout. It's nobodies like you and I that need to stand out any way we can.

So, what's my new name?

My job as a computer programmer often requires me to create databases of people. Good practice demands that such a database use unique numbers to identify people rather than names, in order to avoid cases of mistaken identity. A less culturally conscious computer geek might tell you how the world would be a better place if every person was assigned such a number at birth, a notion that most people find horrifyingly impersonal. The irony is, oh Mike, Karen, Dave, Sarah, Rob, Kim, Kevin, Meghan, Megan, Meagan, Sean, Emily, Matt, Chris, Paul, Jamie, Josh, Jason, Justin, Jen, and John, that you would be a much more special and unique snowflake with that number (and to the 75% of my readership that are now deeply offended, relax, I meant the other one, not you).

Don't worry, I'll pick a pretty one... something with a lot of low factors of course, but I also want one with personality... not perfect, but almost perfect... definitely powerful... just a bit extravagant... somewhat sociable, yet also solitary... and maybe even a little weird.

I missed snow day

Sat, 02 Feb 2008 22:52:10 GMT

...to go to my dear old grandmother's birthday party, complete with flourescent lights, modular tables and dixie cups. If anybody is up for more snow play tonight or tomorrow, hit me up. I have snow pants, for pete's sake! SNOW PANTS!!

Apparently, the internets are paying out

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 00:51:39 GMT

In a recent livejournal entry, my roommate expressed her desire for a set of Logitech Z-2300 speakers. Well, what should show up in the mail today but an anonymous package containing said speakers! I was not aware that the wish granting magic of the internet was so powerful.

This may be a long shot but I would like to now formally state my wish for the above speakers. I realize that by internet conventions, I am not qualified for such a gift as I am not a girl. However, I offer the following convincing photoshop to motivate you:

Room for one more at The Gorey

Fri, 11 Jan 2008 02:10:49 GMT

Once again, there is a room available in my shared house any time between now and may 1st.

So, why are we seemingly always looking for roommates? Well, here are the reasons that four previous residents left/will leave over a period of approximately 18 months:

- Moved to Vancouver for school
- Kicked out for being a douche
- Moved into condo with boyfriend
- Moving to Berlin to put on film festival

As you can see, there is no dissatisfaction here, just youthful transience and wanderlust.

The boots of tomorrow, today!

Tue, 08 Jan 2008 18:34:37 GMT

While you grubby hipsters are probably scuffing around in these, my feet are being scienced big time by a new pair of Salomon B52s. These things are so progressive that if the government saw them, they would rush them off to a secret lab for disection while little Timmy screamed "Noooo, you're hurting them! They're not monsters, they're my friends!"

Live at The Gorey

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 12:19:18 GMT

We still have a room available in our house on Queen West. $550 plus utils. We're looking for Dec 1st or sooner. We may be making a decision VERY soon (thursday) so don't dilly dally. It's really the loveliest place you ever did see.

Hot Product Alert: Delta Airzound Bike Horn

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 22:54:56 GMT

This is my new toy. It is a bike horn that you charge with an air pump. This thing is LOUD.. like, louder than a car horn. The web site says $39.95 but it was only $17 at MEC! Next time some douchebag tries to cut me off, it's mild annoyance time baby.

My Nuit Blanche highlights

Mon, 01 Oct 2007 01:21:57 GMT

Lower Bay Station: the secret subway platform below Bay station was open. Two trains were parked on either side of the platform filled with subwoofers making creepy noises. There were also subwoofers attached to metalic rattles in the ceiling.

Dumpster Hotel: a dumpster was converted to a fully functional hotel, complete with furniture, bar, concierge and cleaning staff. The room could be booked for 10 minutes at a time. They were completely booked by the time I got there but you could still climb up the side of the dumpster and watch the guests have a little party.

Giant Locust: an enormous inflatable locust on a football field. It was about half the length of the field and a couple storeys high and you could jump on it.

Crash Site: a UFO crashed on King's College field with smoke, emergency vehicles, army guards and ambient music. A video screen played a news broadcast and in a tent, you could view the alien.

Ropes: I'm not even sure if this was "art" but there were thick ropes that ran from the top of a skyscraper to bicycle posts on the sidewalk. They were fun to play with but someone came out and asked us to stop.